Room 101

[Father Jack]

If like me you like to keep a clean car then dont live here!
The FECKIN BIRDS crap like flying cows.I just get the car shining like silver up a chimney sweeps chuff abd along comes the biggest crow you ever seen and its BOMBS AWAY!
It dumps on the car missing the feckin ground complelty
Give me a nice crafty speedy MOGGIE any day.I love to see then with loads of feckin feathers sticking out their mouth
and all that noise they call singing just when your waking up
Shoot the feckin lot I say

[cowboy]

With an attitude like that, no wonder they poop on your car.

[Father Ted]

Nothin to do with tood Cowboy, it's all about choice, mine is a life without our open a...d feathered poop machines. What if aircraft decided to open hatches, it would mean chunks of chocolate ice lumps on the car.

[cowboy]

"Little birdie,
In the sky.....
Why did you do it in my eye?

I'm a big boy,
So I won't cry,
But I'm sure glad
That cows don't fly.

[Ellie]

Coop..youre fast becoming our 'Poet Laureate' ..
Father Jack (Ted whatever)...can you really be a man of the cloth
I take it youre not an ornithologist then...or a member of the RSPB either?
Theres a bird called a 'Chough'(pronounced Chuff)..member of the crow family...but Ive never heard of a 'Chimneysweeps Chuff'!
I reckon..that youre ...a secret twitcher...and probably quite knowledgeable on....many feathered things

[digger]

Pet hates....funny or otherwise :

canned laughter

[Ellie]

Me too Digger..drives me up the b----y wall!
Another one is..too much background music (and too loud!)..think this is often used to cover bad acting/scripts. This is also a big nuisance in documentaries...where the narrator is 'drowned out' with often 'yukky' music that is totally unnecessary!

[Guest]

Every bloody shop in UK has music blaring out now too even that M&S put their compilations on a player which we turn down if accessible