Once Upon a Time . .

Francoise · Post by **Francoise** » Wed Dec 31, 2003 7:40 pm

So :!
it wasn't Maceira Heinies been at----but very' bloody Marys'all along!and as they burst through the backdoor of the'Tearooms'?

there stooped over a huge copper cauldron was Heini (she'd abandoned her Frenchmaids outfit and was now dressed in full cowgirl gear--to please the Pres!)all around her were scattered hundreds of empties from the firm of Mr Smirnoff! and long liquid trails of ---ketchup--she was crazed like a woman demented---would she be able to satisfy the vast thirst of all those horny devils

---------but--she'd forgotten--ketchup wouldn't satisfy them--they needed the real thing---the "apple of love" huge fruity ripe red gigantc----tomatoes--would all her frenzied stirring be in vain

------would it all be fruity enough

------------

digger · Post by **digger** » Wed Dec 31, 2003 7:54 pm

Crane's standing at the door looking down at the lone ranger sitting in a pool of Heinzi “It’s Armageddon Sir”
“Arm a geddin ouda here”

heini · Post by **heini** » Wed Dec 31, 2003 11:12 pm

No, wait Sargent Crane you are desperately needed as the plot finally unravels, the horny men, Wolfie and even the Great G are only after one thing: to kidnap Heini the sole heiress of the Heinz Ketchup (Catsup to the British) empire. That's why there is blood coming from the door of her tearoom, as she has already foiled Blobby's attempt and she is stirring his remains into the Bloody Mary Mix she is preparing. Maddi, Ellie and the other Angels (Charlie's or otherwise) Have been sent from MI to whisk Heini away to Airforce One and into the witness protection program, so she can return to Carvoeiro after the uproar has died down end enjoy her stay in peace and quiet. Heini is really sorry that she will miss the big New Years Eve ball, her little cowgirl oufit .....

heini · Post by **heini** » Thu Jan 01, 2004 1:08 am

...was far too skimpy for the minus 24 (that's Celsius -Mr. Pres) winter weather in her Northern Canadian hideout. But visions of hot blooded revelers mingling in front of the icecream parlor at the stroke of midnight made her glow - and then cry hot, hot tears..... just as the world's major televison news programs turned towards Carvoeiro for the big bash.....the webcam conked out. boo-hoo

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Jan 01, 2004 2:17 am

....... and the Pres. was bonked out

He had been lusting after Ellie all night who was getting very hot in her tight rubber mask and who was being pursued by a mysterious man called Pierre - the Pres. was getting jealous, it was one thing for ladies to kiss a few frogs before meeting a prince but hey he is an American from Texas famous for big ..........................

EllenBowdery · Post by **EllenBowdery** » Thu Jan 01, 2004 1:50 pm

Hot dogs

---that was what Ellie 'longed' for

It had been like this with her--since meeting Wolfie -it was those bright yellow sinister eyes --especially the 'fangs'--shed gone right off fish and could only be satisfied with meat dishes

and she needed those dogs 'hot' with strong mustard --and all Heini had in stock was bottles& bottles of--ketchup-------it was getting really stifling in the rubber--she needed to get it off--so she headed straight for the praia ------

GuestF · Post by **GuestF** » Thu Jan 01, 2004 4:46 pm

As Ellie went off to shed her inhibitions Heini had a tight grip on Coops burbon bottle as she guided him through the sprawled out bodies of the horny horde that lay every where on the sand. Inside the 'teashop'? Gerry and Loretta waited.
'jaysus Hein,where you been hon? its taken all me Carlsberg and crates of the black stuff to queiten that hairy lot'!
Loretta stifled a giggle as she thought of Ekim brother of Wolfman! it was true what they said about those lads from Nire-------
Gerry gave her a stern look but Heini suddenly said' look ,come through here guys,Ive got something to show you' With Pres leaning heavily on his bottle she parted the curtains at the back----
meanwhile ,back at the hotel Sol the mighty Steen was flacked out on the sofa.He couldnt move and it was all Mme Maddis fault!. Shed certainly known his weakness--when she offered him those huge golden tarts of almonde --he'd been unable to resist--he needed to get back to his men--without him they were out of control--and once the Carlsberg wore off--'Thor' knows what would happen----on the darkening beach Ellie was just about to remove her rubber bits for a quick dip when-------

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jan 02, 2004 6:24 pm

Thousands of multicoloured fireworks exploded in the deep black, velvet sky, Biffa (who was in charge of letting them off) was a day late!

eco/spider · Post by **eco/spider** » Fri Jan 02, 2004 6:42 pm

The sky was as light as daytime as Elley quickly put her rubber bits back on! shame that as she was getting really hot

A shout went up from the big ship and looking up she saw it was Tricky waving something and shouting
'come up ere elle its lot cooler and wolfman and brother ekim are at the oars and another bloke called spider! hes very handy as hes got 8 of them!Quick hurry up those horny hordes are starting to stir!
back at heinies place she was taking them through the curtain with the pres shouting 'I want my ball-------

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Jan 03, 2004 12:05 am

.......ballcock brigade radioed immediately I think Ellie has been caught by some pirates "look they're sailing off"
"Can't do that, Sir" they're still dealing with the backlog from before as well as clearing up Heini's mess. Oh my-Heini wot have you been doing? reports are coming through that the toilets are blocked with human body parts.........too many to be just Blobby?

It was looking serious, Heini wasn't the friendly lady from the tea shop

serving morning coffee & kellogs after all - she was a cereal killer and realising her secret had been discovered she barricaded the door trapping the Pres. - he was now her next ............................

Francoise · Post by **Francoise** » Sat Jan 03, 2004 5:46 pm

Lover

And in that skimpy cowgirl outfit how could he resist her

she reached up to remove his 'loneranger' mask then stepped in complete state of shock for it wasnt Pres Coop it was-----------

heini · Post by **heini** » Sat Jan 03, 2004 11:25 pm

....the Pink Panther. Hired by the majoral hopeful Peter B. to once and for all clean up crime and corruption in his beloved Carvoeiro prior to his election, the Pink Panther proceeded to stumble through the once cosy tearoom, and out to the beach where he was immediately surrounded by the local dogs and...

Clouseau · Post by **Clouseau** » Sat Jan 03, 2004 11:48 pm

From the direction of the ice palacio there comes a mighty 'purring' sound----its G and the giant pussy(known as lynx)---at this sound the dogs scarper---G strides forward saying 'Im here to assist you Pinky--lets go-----

Clouseau · Post by **Clouseau** » Sat Jan 03, 2004 11:58 pm

for a start---lets clear up that horny hairy lot of layabouts litering the beach"!
But as he spoke-the hotel door swung open and the mighty Steen staggered forth--god those tarts of almonds took some digesting--but tightened his girth and stood erect declaring
' leave them to me chaps ive got something that willget themgoing!'
He turned to the doorway --as Mme Mads strode forth holding an enormous long-------

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Jan 04, 2004 2:12 am

...thong which she had just removed from Steen with her teeth

This could come in handy as a catapult they thought and started to fill the giant black thong with..........