Does anyone know if there is a Weight Watchers Meeting in the Carvoeiro area. Having been good over the last few weeks and just about to depart UK to spend summer in Carvoeiro I dont want to undo all the good work. If not WW any other meeting similar where a weekly weigh takes place and a rollocking for non compliance is issued?

Buy me a meal and I will talk you through your roblem!

LOL @ biffa

Hi Jean.....I've being doing WW for the past 6 weeks.........just to shed the last of my winter covering and also the fact that my friend with whom Im going on holiday with is sooooooo slim .........but remember your on HOLIDAY .......have a good time and eat/drink what you want for the time your away.....dont feel guilty.......and just continue again when you get back...........

Holidays are short enough..........HAVE A GOOD ONE

Jennie

The Rosemary Clooney Diet - A Personal Account
By Michael Crane

Week 2
Well, I've just got back from my second visit and I narrowly missed being, Slimmer of the Week after losing 2½ lbs! I was second to a woman that lost 10 lbs! My weight loss is equivalent to one pound a week . . . I've had bigger poos than that!

I achieved my astounding weight loss by eating cardboard and sick for the last 14 days - or to give it its proper name, Ryvita and cottage cheese. Has anyone tried these two foods at all? I am certain the box containing the Ryvita tastes better than the contents; and the comparison between cottage cheese and sick is spot on - except, perhaps that sick contains more nutrients in the form of bits of carrot and the odd pea.

Why are you dieting, Michael?, I hear you ask. Well it's my age. Listen carefully, for what I am about to tell you will (maybe has) happen to you.

In my teens I had the nickname, Snakehips, because my hips were slim and I was lithe. Sadly now the snake has moved from my hips to my waist and has wrapped several coils around me and has taken up full-time residency.

On my 30th birthday I noted, with interest that my waist and age were the same - 30 each. At 35 years the waist had expanded to 31", at 40 years it had gone up to 32". This meant that on my 54th birthday in January of this year I was ballooning out towards 35" in the next 12 months. Do you realise that by the time I reach 100 years old my waist will be a gargantuan 44"? I am in danger of becoming a human Weeble!!! Hence the diet.

Now, good old Rosemary, in her wisdom has decreed that eating cardboard and sick alone are not the answer; we must also exercise. This is done in the form or aerobics; which is Japanese for humiliation.

I thought the best place for me would be at the back of the class for two reasons:
1 - I could make a fool of myself and no-one would see me;
2 - I could look at the ladies bottoms in front of me.

Neither happened. I was placed at the front and they all saw me make a fool of myself and they all ogled my bottom!

Men, if you haven't tried aerobics yet - don't. It takes an enormous amount of co-ordination to smoothly glide from one bit to the other. Daniel Day Lewis showed more co-ordination in My Left Foot than I showed today. When they went left, I went right; when they went up, I went down; when they skipped, I tumbled; when they mamba'd back and forth I fell over my feet. Hopefully, as time goes by and I learn to anticipate the movements rather than try to catch up that two beats behind, things will improve. Fingers crossed!

Finally. One of the ladies said to me, "You're brave, coming to a Rosemary Clooney class. We never get any men. Don't you feel out of place?"

"Out of place? One man - several ample, voluptuous, tightly-clad, bending stretching women? No," I replied, "I'm very much in the right place!"

Week 3
This week I lost an amazing one pound! I can't believe it, one whole pound! OK, so it's not that big a loss, weightwise, I'll grant you, but consider this:

I've just spent the weekend at the Hilton, Coventry where all the food and drink I could eat and drink was eaten and drunken. And, I got the call of the fig rolls last week, too. I adore fig rolls - so Sharen (bless her) got me a packet of the Go Ahead slimming fig rolls, and they were delicious . . . all of them! Yep, I ate the lot at one sitting; I mean, who on earth can eat one fig roll???

You'll be pleased to know that my co-ordination has improved during the aerobics (see Japanese for humiliation) in two ways.

1. I am getting used to the routine
2. A new-comer arrived and she made me look good!

Mind you, we departed somewhat from the routine this week; we did 'circuit training'. Sounds manly, eh? Well, if squeezing a cushion between your thighs or balancing on a hot-water bottle or hula-hooping can be termed manly, them I'm the man for you.

The old snake-hips came into their own with the hula-hoop, I can tell you. I was swinging it around like they were going out of fashion . . . which they have!

Jo, the instructor, has advised me to cut down on my evening glasses of wine (good, full measures, none of that stingy pub measures for me!). According to her they're costing me about a pound a week - and we aint talking money! So, it'll be diet coke from now on. How shall I survive?

If I haven't wasted away I'll post another update next week.

Week 4
Yippee! Another pound hits the dust! This is fantastic news. I love the Rosemary Clooney diet. Let's hear it for Rosemary. Hip, hip, hooray!

Over the top? What do you mean, that's a bit over the top? Consider this:

Friday night out at my favourite Italian restaurant celebrating a friend's 50th birthday. I ate:

Starter - 12" tomato & basil garlic bread (actually it's more like a pizza).

Main course - Taglitelli al pollo (chicken and pasta in a creamy sauce). Big portion!

Sweet - Triple scoop mint-chip chocolate ice-cream. No cream, after all, I am on a diet!

Liqueur - One strega (fine Italian liqueur).

Extras - One bottle of Frascati; nicely chilled and all for me!

I consumed all of this . . . and still lost a pound. I love Rosemary Clooney!

The aerobics is getting easier. I've managed to co-ordinate my legs now; all I have to concentrate on in future are my arms. Currently I am in danger of being tilted at by Don Quixote! I flail my arms around like a windmill on speed. A drowning man has more grace than I. Most of the time I restrict them to my sides for fear of knocking out the persons nearest me. Mind you, on the plus side, I do get lots of room!

Hey, Steen, where did you get my picture from

Michael post more, I haven't laughed like that for ages

Week 5
Regular readers will see a trend here . . . Have you spotted it yet? Yes, that's right, I'm losing a pound a week! So, once again, Jo gives me the good news, "Congratulations, it's a pound!" as if she's announcing the birth of my first-born. Now that would be news - and very very profitable.

I'm really getting the hang of this dieting lark. I eat all I want to and then I vomit it all back up again! It worked for the Romans!

Of course, now that I've enlisted with Rosemary Clooney I've become a diet bore. It's amazing the ways in which I can bring dieting into the conversation:

"So, Michael, are you looking forward to your holiday in Turkey?"
"Yes, very much so, but I'll have to cut down on the kebabs; I'm on a diet!"

"I see Lincoln City are playing in Cardiff this weekend. Will you be going?"
"No. Last time I went to see City play they began singing that song about 'Who ate all the pies?' and I thought they were referring to me - just because I'm on a diet!"

"I see that SARS thing is getting worse. Does it frighten you?"
"No, it doesn't really. If I catch it and am confined to bed and go off my food it’ll help with my diet!"

I didn't stay for the humiliation this week. I felt a bit off to tell you the truth, so I took the dog out for a walk into town. But, this was no ordinary walk. I turned it into an experiment. . .

I took out the kitchen scales and measured out 5½ lbs (flour and a couple of tins of baked beans) to simulate the load of fat I've lost so far. I then plonked it into my back-pack, collared the dog and set off for town. It's amazing how heavy things can be when you've got to tote 'em around with you. When that little lot was lodged around my waist I didn't really notice it - put it on your back and walk two miles and you do

I'm at that awkward stage of the diet now. My waist has gone down at least 1½ " and a lot of my trousers are beginning to hang a bit low around the crotch. I keep tightening my belt, but without that lovely layer of fat anymore, there's nothing for the belt to sink into.

If things continue in this manner, ol' Snakehips will be back.

My mum bought me a diet book last week and I have already lost two pounds. To be more precise, I lost the book.

Week 6
I met an old friend today at the weigh-in. I've not seen them for a few years now and I'd lost all hope of ever seeing them again.

"Hello waist!" I said

Yep, I've got my waist back. I really have! I couldn't see it before because of a couple of things - my stomach hanging over it and the snake coiled around me! But, now that my stomach is getting back into shape the waist is there in all its glory.

Now, don't get me wrong, my stomach isn't exactly a six-pack at the moment, but hey, anything but the Party-7 that had insuated itself there over the years is alright by me.

I didn't lose any weight this week - nor did I gain any, so that's OK. Jo has put it down to a couple of reasons; a possible lapse in calorie counting or replacing fat with muscle (thanks to daily tummy exercises). I think it's both. ::)

I've yet to cut out alcohol completely, but I am trying - honestly. My biggest hurdle is going without my nightly glass of Chardonnay or Merlot with my dinner; I am compelled by some greater force to get out the corkscrew and indluge. I just can't resist.

So this next week I resolve to strenghten my resolve and to count the calories, cut the imbibing and tuck in that tummy. It'll all be worth it when I hit my target weight.

Week 7
Well, my resolve was well and truly strengthened; I lost yet another pound this week. I am on target for a half a stone loss before I expose the new, sleekier, svelte-like, toned and bronzed body to the lucky people of Hisaronu, Turkey next weekend.

I have to confess, this isn't my first attempt at losing weight. I have tried in the past with qualified success. On all previous occasions I lost the weight from my face, prompting calls of concern from family and friends along the lines of, "My God! Have you got Aids? You look terrible!"

And I did look terrible. To give you a mental picture, I had the face of Victoria Beckham (hollow eyes, sunken cheekbones, pinched expression), and the body of Bernard Manning! There, I've scarred you for life now, haven't I?

The wonderful thing about Rosemary Clooney is that this time the fat I was cultivating for an extended polar expedition (or so it seemed) is falling from my waist and hips - leaving my face full and round and healthy. This is all due to the low-fat diet and exercise I'm now committed to . . . for the rest of my life.

I mentioned last week about my long-time-no-see friend, Waist. Well, now that it's back I can look down and see my feet . . . and if you were not thinking feet, then you should be ashamed of yourself.

I went to the doctors the other day for my annual MOT. He told me I had the heart and lungs of a twenty-year old. They're waiting for me in cold storage for when my own peg out.

Finally, I see that on the Carvoeiro web site that I have a fan. I publish this weekly update on two sites, here and at http://www.hisaronu.co.uk/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.cgi in the public interest and for research students! Perhaps you should consider organising an official fan club and start marketing my Rosemary Clooney did it for me tee-shirts, mugs and mouse-mats; all of which are available at reasonable cost.

Hi Michael,

this might be a silly q. but b4 someone gets carried away producing mugs etc with Rosemary Clooney did it 4 me printed all over them - is it Clooney?? Here in Liverpool we have heard of Rosemary Conley but not Clooney only the George variety - u dont resemble George by the way??? But surely the merchandising should be MICHAEL CRANE DID IT 4 ME IN CARVOEIRO!!! Wot do u think, maybe Gorgeous George has some serious competition????

hotpot/dumpling hybrid, I am taking the mickey when I call her Clooney. It is a joke. Rosemary Clooney is George Clooney's (late) Aunt. Sang the original version of Mambo Italiano.